that one time I stood up for my target demographic

So I had a pretty brotastic weekend. Beers and buddy time. Friday night hung out with my buddy Bryson and knocked out COWBOYS AND ALIENS. I gotta tell ya, it was better than I expected, though B disagrees with me. I liked the fact that there was a lot more story and heart to it; B would've preferred more things blowing up and over-the-top cowboyness. While it would've been cool to see Harrison Ford "John Wayne" it up a bit more, I thought it was a great balance of shoot the aliens, father/son issues and everyman looking for redemption.

To me, one of the best parts of the movie going experience is the half hour of trailers, I mean how else are you going to find out what the next kick ass movie is gonna be? And I actually like being marketed to. Maybe it's because I see the man behind the curtain, but I usually want to see how clever a pitch is. I have often bought things, not because of product quality, but because of a kick ass marketing campaign. Trailers before a movie is like Amazon recommendations: yes, if I'm seeing this movie I'm in the demographic that likes this genre, tell me what I'd like to see next. So why was I so worried for my target demographic with the trailers before COWBOYS AND ALIENS?

The first trailer they showed was for SHARK NIGHT 3D (which they were quick to remind us was also available in 2D)

So sharks as an excuse to see pretty people run around in the water with their boobs bouncing? Jesus! Just get out of the fucking water! Sigh. Next....came...well I'll let it speak for itself...

Ok seriously, how the fuck did they get Liam Neeson to sign on the dotted? Liam Neeson?! What’s next, the epicness of CONNECT FOUR? The nailbiting suspense of CHUTES AND LADDERS?

Maybe I'm in the minority. Maybe this is what the 18-34 year old man-child who didn’t care that Voltron was an awful lot like Power Rangers and who enjoys a passing knowledge of comic book trivia really wants to see. Maybe I've grown from man-child to man-teen. The sheer excitement of things blowing up, seven minute ass-kicking montages and good guys winning simply because they’re the good guys…just not doing it for me anymore. Please don’t blow that up, let’s talk things out with a mediator. If you’re kicking ass, have a purpose, have a cause for god sake. And good guys don’t always win. And are never always good all the time.

So I say, enough is enough. Instead of Cobra rising, Man-Children (aged 18-34), let us rise up together and say NO MORE SHIT MOVIES! TOWER HEIST will no longer precede the classic SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. No longer will we have to pass the D-List celebrities of SHARK NIGHT 3(or 2)D at a Comic-Con and pretend that they have the same social relevance as Emma Caulfield (Anya from BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER). We vote with our dollars, Brothers, and when we go to a shit movie out of sheer boredom, those votes add up and they will keep making shit movies. We will not watch just anything. We demand some substance with our ass kicking and bouncy boobs!

NO MORE SHIT MOVIES!
 
Although CONNECT FOUR would be pretty epic…