that one time 10 years later

September 11, 2001

Junior year of college at Columbia. Living on Broadway and Barry in Chicago. Only had an afternoon class that Tuesday, so I was out partying late the night before (remember college?). I didn't set my alarm. Got to bed around 4AM.

Shot up awake at 8:30AM. For some reason, instead of going back to sleep I went to the living room and turned on the TV. And you couldn't escape the tragedy on any channel.

The boy I was dating worked at O'Hare at the time. I called him. He was fine.

I walked out of my apartment and felt weird and numb. I wasn't in NYC, but still... the air in the world felt different. I walked to the corner store and bought a pack of smokes. The Indian guy who owned the shop, who was usually very taciturn and sullen, was angrily watching the news on his portable TV.

"They're going to come after us next!" he said.

"But you're not from Afghanistan," I assured him. "You're an American."

"They put your people in camps!" he asserted. It didn't feel right to correct him.

"It's a different time."

"Worse...you're dark. You're tall. They might think you're one of them. They might come after you." My blood ran cold. "This is bullshit!" he screamed and knocked over a display of gum. I ran out of the store and smoked like 5 cigarettes at once.

The rest of the day was a blur. Trying to get a hold of all of my friends in NYC (which didn't happen until that weekend). Letting my family know that no terrorist activity was happening in Chicago.

That day, people wanted blood. People wanted revenge. The gut reaction was retaliation. A perpertrator was identified and his death would make us all feel a whole lot better.

Before that day, I could get to the airport half hour before a flight and be fine to board. My mom was always able to walk with me to the gate and stay with me until my flight took off when I came home for breaks. That's not possible any more.

War was declared. One that confused us all. The perpertrator was found and killed almost 10 years after the fact. And his death felt cold and meaningless.

I'd like to say the world is a better place. I'll just say the world is a different place. 

I'm not gonna post numbers here as a morbid death toll. Let's just say, we owe it to all the lives lost and effected by the tragedy on the World Trade Center and those lost and effected in this war declared on the basis of retaliation and revenge.

Remember that life is the most precious thing. Living it to your best ability is the only way you can truly pay tribute to those we lost.