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| On Russian Hill in San Francisco with Peter & Bailey, June 2011 | 
previously on You KNOW...that ONE guy...
Itchin' for one last adventure for the summer, our hero Danny B buys a one way ticket to a city he's never been to...a city where he doesn't know a single soul. Packed with a change of clothes, his only resource is his smart phone. Can our hero survive in a foreign city while having a kick ass time and make it back home alive?
part 1: The Departure
 The only thing planned about the adventure is the ticket being bought. Exciting and thrilling at the same time. When I tell people of my adventure, they either think I'm brave or crazy. Not a lot of middle ground. My co-worker Jason suggests I visit the Central West End and check out a place called Drunken Fish. Erik from Chicago Comics suggests I check out Star Clipper Comics while I'm there. That's pretty much it.
The only thing planned about the adventure is the ticket being bought. Exciting and thrilling at the same time. When I tell people of my adventure, they either think I'm brave or crazy. Not a lot of middle ground. My co-worker Jason suggests I visit the Central West End and check out a place called Drunken Fish. Erik from Chicago Comics suggests I check out Star Clipper Comics while I'm there. That's pretty much it.
The Friday before was a long ass day. Work, errands, seeing the preview for Putting it Together, shooting some promotional B-Roll for it and then hanging out with my favorite red head princess, Rachel Quinn, back for a visit from Pittsburgh. Ryan and I met up with her and her friends for drinks and stayed out until 3 AM. My bus left at 6:30AM. I'd only be getting like 2 hours sleep. Oy. 
Got up at 5AM. Showered. Packed (forgot to do that last night). Pretty sure I was still drunk from the night (RE: 2 hours) before. Get to Union Station, find the Megabus loading zone. And wait. Three Megabuses, none of which is the one to St. Louis. Our bus finally pulls up, thirty minutes late.This is my first time riding the Megabus. Its riders are...eclectic. We're all a clausterfuck mass of people standing in front of 3 empty buses, the drivers not forthcoming with information. We shuffle aimlessly en masse as we try to psychically guess which bus we're meant to be on. 
The bus to St. Louis-Memphis arrives. I pick my seat in the back lower level (inadvertently losing the cute skinny hipster guy I was making eyes at.) Instead, a heavy sweaty guy using old 7-11 plastic bags as luggage plops down next to me. Swoon.
"I guess its going to be you and me." Great.
"If I snore, just nudge me. And I WILL SNORE." Fuckin great. 
 "We right by the bathroom?" I nod, gesturing with my head behind me. The sounds that came out of the bathroom for the next five minutes were akin to a walrus mating with a rhino while doing the macarena with jackhammers. Gross.
"We right by the bathroom?" I nod, gesturing with my head behind me. The sounds that came out of the bathroom for the next five minutes were akin to a walrus mating with a rhino while doing the macarena with jackhammers. Gross.
Also, this alleged plug that's supposed to keep my phone, my lifeline, my only resource for this trip charged...is not giving any juice. FML.
 
part 2: The Pit Stop
I get some sleep, thank God. My seat mate doesn't snore...that badly. I wake up in Lemont, IL. We're at a truck stop called Dixie's and I grab some biscuits and gravy at a booth I can plug my phone into. They had a $7.99 all you can eat breakfast buffet. If I had been there with the Bertucellis and were there for longer than 20 minutes, I probably would've gone for that. But the biscuits were delicious and the gravy was good, if not a bit watery. 
If you ever wanna feel like the most popular kid in skewl, log onto Grindr as you pass through a small town. Every one will say hi. Every one. I got some priceless gems like "Me like new Asian in town" and "Let me smell your feet." Ah, small town gays. Just as weird as big city gays, if not a bit more forthcoming.
One of my former students Ryan Martinez commented on my foursquare check-in that he was 15 minutes away from me! Didn't see it though til I got on the bus. The biscuits and gravy were delicious, but I wish I was adventurous enough to try the Fried Mush, despite the warnings from the very nice waitress. Do me a favor, someone: if you pass through Dixie's in Lemont, IL, try the Fried Mush and let me know how it is, dying to know.
I left without trying to bear claw game to win a plushie Thor. I didn't have singles. Kinda sad about that, but there was some sleep to be had. My seat mate returned from McDonalds and gave me his second apple pie. Maybe I'd misjudged him.
part 3: The Arrival
Lucky enough to sleep the rest of the way through. Woke up to the Arch outside my window. Kick ass. Dropped off at Union Station, watch cute skinny hipster boy pass by and get into a car and it hits me: I'm all alone. Cripes. Exciting and scary.
A sign outside of Union Station told me that Busch Stadium, Scottrade Center and the Arch-Landing Casinos (ooh Casino!) were that --->way. Nothing about where I might catch a subway or a bus. I don't want to go to Busch Stadium or the Scottrade Center. Maybe the casino, but not until way later. How the hell am I going to get around?
Well, first thing's first, I definitely needed a cup of coffee. Union Station is pretty massive. It was a shopping center, actually, and people were actually hanging out. It felt like the shops at Navy Pier. Or the Boulevard Mall in Vegas. Anyhow, I found an Einstein's Bagels and got an iced coffee. The employees were very nice and the conversation I had went something like this:
DANNY B:  (taking iced coffee)Thanks. Hey, is there a public transportation system like a train or a bus around here?
MANAGER (behind the counter, on cell phone) Huh?
EMPLOYEE: Yeah. That's the Metro Link.
DB: Cool, can you point it out to me?
E: I'll do ya one better, boo. Lemme walk you there. Calvin?!
M (behind the counter, on cell phone) Huh?
E: I'ma walk this customer to the train.
M: (to cell phone) Hold on. (to EMPLOYEE) What yer doorin? 
E: I said I'ma walk this customer to the train. He new.
M: This ain't your break.
E: I know!
M: So don't have a cigarette or get a snack.
E: I know!
M (back on cell phone) This ain't you break!
She was nice enough to walk me all the way through Union Station, outside (where she lit a cigarette, I promised I wouldn't tell) and to the train station. I told her about my adventure and she told me "You crazy boo." When I asked her where I should go or see, she said "Try Central West End. You'll like it. It's bougie as hell." Done.

I bought a day pass for $7.50 and then started down the stairs to the train platform. I quickly realized there was no turnstile for me to insert the ticket. I thought it'll probably be like a traditional train, where a conductor comes by to check your ticket.
Looking at the train map, it's a pretty easy train system to figure out. Two lines, Red and Blue. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. I was two stops away from Central West End, so I stayed standing when I boarded. A beared guy with rosary beads came in a couple of minutes after me, pretty hurriedly. After we were in motion, he muttered, "Crap," then looked at me and asked, "Is this going to the Airport or Shrewsbury?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. He tells me that he's supposed to meet someone there, just got in from Chicago, yadda yadda and I'm all, "Great. He's going to ask me for money." Instead, he makes small talk, asking about my day. At about that time, I notice no conductor has come by to take a ticket. 
"Oh yeah," he says, "We're kinda like on an honor system." What the?! Anyway, I tell him about my adventure and he digs it. "Avoid these areas here," he points out. "That's East St. Louis. You'll love the Central West End. Try to visit the Loop too," he points out Delmar Loop on the map, just two stops away. Navigating this burg's gonna be a lot easier than I thought.
My stop comes and I start to exit. "Have a great day!" he calls "Hope to see you again soon!" Nice guy. Everyone in St. Louis is soo nice so far.
part 4: Central West End
 Central West End is the love child of SoHo and Lincoln Park. Trendy, cute and uber fun. Right when I got off the train and began walking to the CWE proper, there was the St. Nicholas festival, a smallish street fest with lots of Mediterranean food. The kabobs were delicious. Seriously, when the first thing you see when you get off the train, you're off to a good start.
Central West End is the love child of SoHo and Lincoln Park. Trendy, cute and uber fun. Right when I got off the train and began walking to the CWE proper, there was the St. Nicholas festival, a smallish street fest with lots of Mediterranean food. The kabobs were delicious. Seriously, when the first thing you see when you get off the train, you're off to a good start.
What I really appreciate about CWE is how easy it is to traverse. Everything is all of one main street (Euclid) and there are tower maps all up on it. Coffee shops, second hand book shops, a neat place called the Chess Club, bars, and a midst these gorgeous historic manor homes
Seriously, block after block, huge mansions. Some streets completely made private for the residents. Uber bougie, but uber cute. Great neighborhood.
Did some window shopping, but I prolly looked out of place in some of the higher end boutiques wearing my hipster tank, grey shorts and Vans high tops (it was HOT). 
It was about time for late lunch and my co-worker Jason recommended a place called Drunken Fish, which happened to be in CWE. After checking in on foursquare (alas, no specials), I took in the dark wood/loft decor of this uber trendy sushi place. Not bad. Settled on a crispy roll (tuna, avocado and eel deep fried), hamachi (I always judge a sushi restaurant by their hamachi) and a Schlafly. 
As always, whenever a sushi restaurant has a "Spider-Man" or "Peter Parker" roll, it contains crab, the one food I'm allergic to. Oh the bitter irony of my life.
Have I mentioned how nice the people in St. Louis are? I start chatting with my waitress, telling her about my adventure. She thinks it kicks ass and definitely suggests going to the Loop and exploring, going to Fitz's to get a root beer float, and then tells me that there's a kick ass blues festival happening this weekend. WHAT?!
 
With my belly full of beer and sushi, a new plan a brewing and a (blues) song in my heart. I departed the drunken fish, headed out to the Metro Link and set out for...
part 5: the Loop


The rain abates. Run to the train. Voyage to the Loop take 2. Home to Chuck Barry's "Blueberry Hill", this strip of eclectic shops and restaurants can be best described as a hybrid of the Melrose in L.A. and Wicker Park in Chicago. 
Per Emily's suggestion, I sat at the counter of the bustling Fitz's and had a homemade root beer float. Needing to burn off those delicious carbs, I continued my expedition of the loop. Working my way past a couple of head shops where I made a new friend (from a distance). Couldn't tell if he was stoned or if it was performance art. You tell me...
 
I found Star Clipper. Upon entering, there's nothing unusual to note. The surrounding perimeter shelves the weeklies and the central shelves holds the trades. No back issues beyond a month or two, it seems, but very well organized. The guys behind the counter were the perfect balance of too-cool-for-school snarky and helpful which is how i like my shop guys. And there were a lot of Angry Birds displays. What was up with that? Now the coolest thing they had was a mini artists alley that just happened to be going on that Saturday. How serendipitous, eh? I chatted with artists Ben Sawyer and Johnson as they drew my first comission sketch: me as an X-Man.
I spent a ridiculous amount of time at Star Clipper but it was well worth it. Met some really cool people and if I find myself in StL fpr a longer stretch of time, it's nice to know I have a shop away from home.
 But seriously, it was getting dark. Time to keep this adventure rolling.
 
part 6: Big Muddy Blues Festival
So following Emily's directions, I found myself at Laclede's Landing. I was very happy to be able to check-in to the Big Muddy Blues fest on foursquare. I was bummed there was no badge to be earned, swarm or otherwise.
 
 The historic cobblestone streets lent a definite New  England flavor. Honestly, it was as awesome as any street fest in Chicago, just a lot more compressed. And the overall focus wasn't the drinking and the shenanigans. It was the music. And the vibe overall was very laid back and chill. It was a good way to spend the evening. 
part 7: The Grove
After a walk along the Mississippi River (which was a hop, skip and a jump away from Big Muddy) it was time for me to explore the nightlife. From Googling to asking people on the street, I learned that the gay area of town was called the Grove. 
I hopped in a cab (as there was no Metro stop that went there) and went to the first bar I saw: Just John's. It was a really fun and chill place. If it lived in Chicago, it would be a less uppity Scarlet (they were playing flippy cup!) mixed with the front room and patio of Roscoes.  Made some fast friends (Hi Eric, John, Greg, Scott and James!) and had lots of laughs and drinks. Maybe some random smoochies. My phone was dying, so I was unfortunately unable to document most of the hijinks that occurred at Just John's. Let's just say, we had a lot of fun. 

Wrap-Up
For a random adventure, it was a great time. Whole thing probably cost under $100, bus fare included. In 24 hours (bus left Chicago 7A Saturday, 9/3 and returned to Chicago at 7A Sunday, 9/4) I visited a city I'd never been, experienced as fully as I possibly good by exploring three neighborhoods, a street festival and a blues festival. Made some new friends, had some great times, and I would totally visit for longer. 
The people of St. Louis are very warm and hospitable. The city has a great culture to it and lots of really cool, eclectic things to do. I was entertained every second I was there. Grade A+
The only thing I would've changed about this adventure was bringing a blanket: Megabus is FREEZING on their overnight trips and I couldn't sleep very well.
Ultimately, I think I will make this a regular adventure, maybe monthly. Very fun and very freeing. 
Choose my next adventure!
Leave a comment below, tell me where I should go and why! Who knows, I may need a travelling companion, so shoot me a comment below, tell me what you thought of this adventure and let's see if we have compatible travel styles.